Here I / we go... again

April 25, 2019

Here I/ we go again...

 

Each day we are gifted, is an opportunity to embrace all.  All that I am, have been and wish to be.  All of me, not just the bits I wish to share with others, not just the bits I feel comfortable with within myself.  The WHOLE of me.  All that hasn't turned out how I believed or dreamed of.  For each aspect of myself I criticise, dislike, try to undermine, belittle or whatever I do that is not of love is a judgement that I am not perfect.  A judgement that I am not good enough, unworthy, and brings us to playing small, a victim, the belief I am not good enough. I know I am not alone... this is a skill humans have mastered to perfection.

 

So, today I am embracing and honouring my amazing skill of procrastination, my adeptness at not completing things and having a multitude of PhDs (Projects Half Done).  I celebrate all of me and share all of me and my vulnerability of not being worthy, good enough or the perfect human.  I KNOW I AM perfect in my imperfection.  So here goes... again.  A blog post has been on my list of things to do for over 2 years! The book I was referring to in that last blog post is justly worthy of a PhD, along with others I have begun.  Today feels like one of those days I have ascended from the rabbit hole. 

 

So I am embracing today as any moment in time when I can choose to just begin again.  Take the next breath and inhale as if my life depends upon it... because it does in this moment! No shame, no drama, just loving acceptance of all that is, no excuses or need to explain.  Choosing to embrace this situation as an opportunity for mindfulness and loving kindness.  Feeling my breath move through my body, with increasing ease and grace.  Witnessing the judgements and beliefs emerge and ebb away choosing not to add to their misery and keep them going around in a loop.  I let them dissolve and drift on, floating away into the sunset on a thermal in a hot air balloon.  Honouring the feelings of unworthiness, shame, guilt, frustration and all that wanted to be heard and seen, whilst holding myself as steady as I could, deep within my heart I sent them love and forgiveness.  I felt every turbulence as I typed and pressed PUBLISH... The liberation is/ was awesome as I freed myself of this burden and felt my breath and heart beat move through my body with increasing ease and grace. 

These times we are living in are change.  We can choose to resist or let go... just as we do with the breath.  Take each moment or breath for granted or cherish it with the whole of our hearts and being.  It is our choice.  As we all witness the changes within and around us, we can choose to return to our centre and breath for calmness or choose to carry on resisting the change and feel ourselves getting more and more tense.  It is a choice and accepting that without judgement is liberating and well worth the practice.

 

When did you last feel and experience the gratitude for your breath and its connectedness to the whole of life?  

When did you last feel truly grateful for being all of you and say thank you for all of you?  Tell yourself something kind in between the demands and random scripts you replay to yourself daily? 

When did you last tell yourself I love you?   

Amazing isn't it when we stop, pause, take a deep in breath and ask ourselves what do I need right now? Try it...

Love to all who embraced their inner workings who shouted more lists, more worry, more planning, more money, more work, more doing.... love to all who paused and waited for all that to subside and hear the gentle whisper stir within their heart... "Really you are asking what I need?  I just want more love and peace please"... this is the message that is always within my heart.  It is felt with the most tenderest, gentleness and compassion that just fills me with love.  Often accompanied by a tear as if I am embracing a dear beloved I have not seen in a while.  In that moment there is no judgement or regret that it has been too long.  Just gratitude of remembrance and the gift of sharing love.  

 

Thank you for giving me the space to share this love, all who hold space for love, the friends who too have multiple PhDs - MTJ you are inspirational!  Wishing all a peaceful breath, as we breath deeply and compassionately through these moments we are all here together sharing each breath and heart beat.

 

Feel free to comment or get in touch 

 

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